Early meetings

i met this girl yogita. standard/routine process to meet in CCD just to know each other a bit in order to take a major decision in life. we met couple of times infact 3-4 times. each time i met her i guess her brother was with her. he did most of the talking. she however had told that she is not that talkative.both of us not that talktive, i didnt know how that was supposed to work.somewhere i knew however that once i will be comfortable there will be dialogue between us. we shared few things , few experiences with each other. i finally thought its time that my mom should meet her. the patrika thing was there to mock me .it was not matching. the stars were not giving us a go ahead from their end. but i had not beleived in that. never had i beleoved that stars are actually able to guide you in such a complex decision. i was of opinion that you simply can not generalise the process of match making. it has to be on individual basis. well i didnt know the exact moment when i decided that yes she can be my better half. but somewhere i think i decided to give it a shot.our families met. they formalised the wedding. and we started meeting regularly.even after we had done this,for first few days i was still talking to ppl who had called me for matrimonial purpose. i didnt know what was wrong with me. clearly i wasnt commited.why was i having this dilemma. i didnt have a small clue. again sometime during the process, i stopped taking calls from the other matrimonial proposals. i had convinced myself to that level that yes i have chosen my life partner. meanwhile i was very eager to know if one gets the feeling of "made for each other". To my surprise, none of my friends/colleagues mentioned to me that it is possible, it is needed. i
was little surprised and understood that its a ground reality. you simply can not have this happen overnight or in a course of few days. "Made for each other" is thing to be developed , need to be felt by the sheer "sahawas"
i took my time to delete the contacts from my mobile which i already had fordifferent proposals. I got a feeling that I am cutting ropes one by one so that i do not have option to turn back. I was doing so to convince myself that there isnt any option to get away from the option i have chosen and go to other proposals। To me it would have been a bigger cheating ॥ not just to Yogita and her family, but even for myself as well. Iliked yogita's family members. Especially i liked her mother. to certain extent her father as well. Didnt get a chance to know her sister better though. but i undestood that these ppl really care for each other. Iwas happy to get connected to such family. there came the part of the give n take stuff. the routine marriage finalisation stuff. I had my heart beating faster when there was a clear cut question if the opposite side has liked the groom. there was not clear answer. nobody answered it in a single word. my heart was beating so fast that i could not remember what was the response talk the girl's side had initiated in response of the formal question. but I knew for sure that there was not a clear "YES". i thought this is how the procedure may be..but that surely got captured in the corner of my mind.